When I say I am a Chipper fan that is a understatement. I am a fanatical, tyrannical fan of the man. Some would even call it and unhealthy obsession. Not Kathy Bates in Misery obsessed. I am not going to tie him to the bed and break his legs, nor would I be the creepy stalker who digs through his garbage. I do have some self control and sanity. However, he is usually the first thing on my mind when I get up and the last thing on my mind when I got to bed.
I would like to explain WHY I am the way I am with him and why I took the news so hard last night. There are the logical reasons. He is a great player, he is a Brave and I admit it, he is a good looking. There is another main reason though that not many people will share with me. After a year of this blog and getting to know some of you I feel comfortable bringing this up.
I have Asperger's Syndrome, which is on the mild end of the autism spectrum. In a nut shell it means I have a lot of trouble socializing. I talked about my anxiety around people in a previous post The anxiety stems from this. I sometimes feel like a deaf mute trying to navigate through the world.
It is one of the main reasons for this blog, so I can communicate with others on my own terms. The social interaction I get from you people and trough conducting trades is often the only social interaction I get. It has been a lifesaver for me.
I was diagnosed when I was 17. Previously I had never even heard of the word.. My family knew that these was always something a little “off” with me though. I would trip over my own feet, loud noises would make me cover my hand over my ears, I couldn't stand tags in shirts. Most of the time school was a synonym for hell. I was picked on horribly and just couldn't seem to fit in. I had seen doctors before. One mentioned I just needed some “friends” and that I could outgrow said issues.
It didn't get better and they did not just go away. In the 11th grade I had been having thoughts of suicide. I ended up seeing a psychologist and on the very first meeting she asked my mom if she had every heard of Aspergers. It fit me to a T. Finally we had answers for why did the things I did.
There are often other issues that accompany Aspergers. One of them being a special interest. People with Aspergers often get fixated on a certain topic. It could be trains, or dinosaurs, or whatever. They find out all they can about said interest and often talk about it obsessively.
For me that is a a person, Chipper Jones. Don't get me wrong, I love the Braves and baseball. but Chipper is "special." I know I talk about him to much. I bring his name up constantly around the house. Multiple times a day in fact. If a day went by that I didn't mention his name, my mom would think there was something seriously wound with me She is sick to death of hearing about Chipper and yet I have a very hard time not bringing him up.
If there is a Chipper item I have to get it, if he is on the news I have to see him, if there is an article about him I have to clip it out. I get anxious when I can't do these things. When I was younger I would say I wanted to marry him. The thing that I talk about endlessly, will no longer be in my daily life. My dream come true would be to meet him. To shake his hand would mean the world to me.
Now that obsession is gone. It is like losing a limb almost. He has been my interest for fifteen years. I hope that he may come back next year, but he might not. I will still follow the Braves and watch the games. I am a fan and Chipper will not change that. It just will not be the same.