Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The Brave me and the other me.

It is odd. Most of the time I have a hard time ordering for myself in a resturaunt. I fear phones, answering and picking them up scares me. There mere thought of talking to someone I don't know, feels me with a near panic. Most of the time in a group setting I stay nearly mute. I don't like bringing attention to myself. I prefer to stay in the shadows, way in the shadows.

I have a social anxiety and anxiety in general. Most of the time I am a basket case. I find it hard to function in the real world, likely why I'm jobless and can't drive (You do not want me behind the wheel of a car)

Yet that all changes the moment I go to a Braves Game.

Sometime just takes over. I yell and scream and cheer and become ever so slightly obnoxious. I almost always lose my voice at games. Every Brave that comes up I stand up and cheer for. When Chipper comes up to bat I shout at him. C'MON CHIPPER!" LET'S GO CHIPPER!" I have booed before and booed loudly. It was at a umpire. When they score I stand and clap and scream and go WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I feel happy and elated, and at home. I don't even feel at home at home some of the time.

Just approaching the field from the car makes me estatic.

I wish there was a way to bring the two together. The loud and proud Brave fan, and the meek and meager other me. Slightly toned down of course. C'MON MCDONALD'S WORKER! LET'S GET THAT SANDWHICH MADE! YOU CAN DO IT! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I HAVE FRIES! I HAVE FRIIIIIIIIIIIES!

When the game ends though, there goes the the loud and proud me and it doesn't come back until I attend another game.

..... If only there was a way to live at Turner Field.


  1. Thanks for talking about the (social) anxiety thing. I can relate to it's and it's trappings (majorly bipolar here), though I guess doing some sketch cards for Breygent means I'm not jobless at the moment. Just the 25 years before I got that gig last month that I didn't have a job, lol. And it still doesn't require me functioning in the real world.

    I haven't been to a Cubs (or any other team for that matter) game since I was 13 or so though, so I dunno how I'd react if I were able to go. Dunno if there's a crazed fan in me or not.

  2. Very enlightening post. I think you'd shake things up a bit a McDonalds with that type "ballgame" chatter.