Friday, April 27, 2012

April is Autism awareness month.

I thought I would talk about a subject other than baseball or baseball cards for one post.

April is Autism Awareness month.  The goal is the bring more well.. awareness and understanding to those that have it. The problem is so many articles tend to be told from a neutral viewpoint (from someone that doesn't have it, or doesn't know anyone that has it), or from an experts or parent's viewpoint.  What you don't tend to see is the actual people with autism or with Aspergers   and I think that is just important, if not more  to get what they have to say out there.  This month is about them after all.

I touched on a previous post that I have Asperger’s syndrome, but didn’t really go into a lot of detail.  Asperger’s is on the Autism spectrum but on the more mild end.   Rain man I am not.    I’m the type that brings a book to a party.  The type that never knows what to say and whose conversations often dies minutes after they have begun.   The one who still has to remember and often forgets to look people in the eye.

Over the last several years Asperger’s have become more prevalent in society.  It has been talked about in the media, there are characters with Asperger’s on TV and in books and everyone seems to have an opinion on it.  Some are saying it is the new ADHD and the diagnosis is being tossed around like beads at the Mardi Gra.  Some even say it is made up and the kids are just brats.  

It is because these kinds of ignorant comments that I decided to make a post, because even with all the talk about it, few people actually understand what Asperger’s really is.  If I can make just make one person see that I am not just some “shy” kid or make one person understand a little bit more about Aspergers then that will be good enough for me.

Growing up   I never really fit in.   I was different.  I was awkward. Even my family knew there was something off about me but they never could tell just what it was.   That wouldn’t happen until I was nearly seventeen, but I will get to that later.

School was the worst time of my life. I was made fun of just about until I graduated.   It wasn’t so bad the first few grades.  I think partly due to kids not being as socially aware as the older grades

 In fourth grade I transferred to a private school and that was when the shit hit the fan.  My differences started to come to light and my classmates jumped on them and me.   Those were the worst two years of my life.  I vividly remember being told to jump from two stories up because it would be “fun”   I was ten and eleven and I talked about killing myself. My fourth grade teacher recommended I see someone because she could see something off with me as well.  The guy saw me once and told me that I needed  to get some self esteem and to get a “hobby”.

I transferred out of that school in the sixth grade, but even at different school things didn’t get better.  I was still me.  Middle school was some of the worst years of my life.   I was called ugly constantly.  I remember guys coming up to say their “friend” liked me just to embarrass the friend.  I guess because I was so hideous. I did manage to make friends, but I was still that weird girl, the one nobody wanted to sit with or partner up with.  

As high school rolled around things got a little better.  I was still made fun of though and I was still the odd duck.  It was then though that I would finally get diagnosed.   I was in the eleventh grade and having issues.  I was talking about suicide and having bad anxieties about school so my mom took me to a psychiatrist.

On the very first visit she brought up the term Asperger’s Syndrome.  Until that day we had never heard of it.  The list she gave my mom of the symptoms fit me to a T though.  Finally there was a name for why I never fit in, why I hated tags on my shirt, clasped my hands over my ears and why I did the things I did.   Finally we had answers.

Unfortunately  nobody else had any idea what Asperger’s was either  Sadly even today there are family members that don’t accept that there is anything  “wrong” with me.    By the time I get a diagnosis, I was in the twelfth grade.  I was put in a resource class for one period but that was more study hall than anything.   In the end I had to take a math course in the summer to graduate and my GPA was dismal. 

Today I am twenty seven and still live at home and likely will for a while.  I don’t drive and have never had a job before.    I am currently on SSI for my Asperger’s and Anxiety.  It took three tries to get it.   I actually remember being told if I was pregnant I could get help.  

 We have actually tried to get me help in getting a job.  Sadly in a small town options are limited.  One place we tried was for so called normal people out of work and another was for people with severe autism.  People like me were stuck being the preverbal rock and a hard place.   I know that I can work the only problem is finding the work and understanding employers.

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had been born ten years later and diagnosed earlier.  Could I have gotten more help?   Would I be able to work or drive? Or live on my own? Taking money from the government wasn’t something I want or am proud of.  I need help though. Asperger’s is more than just social issues.  It is more than being socially awkward.  It reaches into nearly every aspect of my life.

 I have sensory issues.    I hate being touched, even by my own family.  I have never willingly hugged or kissed anyone on my own.  I’m asexually and a virgin.  A touch on the knee or arm makes me jerk out reflexively as if shocked. Loud noises startle me and make me clasp my hands over my ears.  I cannot wear certain fabrics.   I’m what you call a “picky” eater.  I will always try something but a lot of foods will make me gag

My fine and gross motor skills are shall we say... lacking.  I still can’t hold a pencil correctly.  I have trouble with sports.  Dancing is near impossible for me.  I’m drop things a lot and stumble and trip on a daily basis.  I cannot cut straight with scissors.

I also have issues with executive dysfunction.    In other words…. I’m messy disorganized and scatter brained.  I’m forever losing and misplacing things.  My room seems to make messes.  My short term memory scares me and if my own head wasn’t attached I would lose it.  I get confused with more than three or four instructions and I am easily overwhelmed and have trouble making decisions.

 Emotionally and socially I feel a lot younger, more like fourteen socially and ten emotional wise.  This is slowly progressing as when I was in high school.  I read a report where my maturity matched a six year olds.  I like toys and reading YA fiction Things like paying bills or other adult duties are beyond me.  My room looks like it belongs to a 12 year old boy.  I tend to get along with people a lot younger than me.   I relate better with them and can put myself in their shoe more so than I can the adult characters.

I have trouble controlling my emotions a time as well.  Simple frustrations overwhelm me at times and I have tendency of self-harming by hitting myself in the head with my fist or even scratching myself with my nails.  I have thrown things and broken things and even kicked at a pet.

I tend to have interests I obsess over.  I drive my mom crazy and I am constantly bringing up Chipper Jones or my cat Buffy, every day I bring them up and multiple times day at that.  She is the only one I have to talk to like this and I know I over-do it. 

 Boy did I ramble and whine, but there you have it, the effect the Asperger’s has on me. I hope that I made you just a little bit more aware of Aspergers, after all that is what the month is for

Thursday, April 26, 2012

You know you spend to much blogging when... dream about baseball bloggers.  Yes, last night I had a dream about a baseball blogger.

I dreamed I was back in school and was visited by a baseball blogger during class. I think I was waiting on a package but he (yes he) came himself instead.  I remember the blogger being very enthusiastic.  In fact, a bit overly enthusiastic.  The details are a bit fuzzy but I do remember the very enthusiastic baseball blogger.    This was also a specific baseball blogger, not some random dream conjured blogger.  Or  he was conjured up in my dreams, but he was an  actual blogger.

I'm not sure I want to name the blogger as I'm not sure how he would take to being dreamed about.

...Yea, I need to get out more.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Chipper through the years

In honor of his birthday  I gathered up cards that shows Chipper from 1992-2011.   The only years missing are 1993 and 2010.    They will likely show up as soon as I finish.

The scanner decided to stop looking on the last batch and I had to take a picture.  It has been fun watching him progress through the years

Happy Birthday Chipper!  A future hall of famer for sure!

EDIT: What the hell blogger? I hate the new layout.

Monday, April 23, 2012

40 years ago a legend was born

.....and that Legend was named Larry Wayne Jones Jr.

at 12:04 am on April the 24th in 1972... that man that would be Chipper was brought into this world.

I would say more but I'm tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired so I shall leave you with this funny big headed card of chipper I saw online and want.

I just wanted to post as close to his birthday as possible.

Tomorrow shall be a better Chipper Birthday Post.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

2012 stickers! ( wants and extas)

I love stickers and I love baseball, so of course I love BASEBALL STICKERS. I just love peeling of the backing and slapping it down in my album. Sometimes sticking and re-sticking until I have it positioned perfectly.

I think the Topps sticker albums area great way to get kids into baseball and it is fairly inexpensive

I'm collecting the 2012 set. My 2011 set still sets unfinished and I will not let it happen to this set. It helps wal-mart has the sticker packs as well. Sadly they don't carry the album... which is kind of stupid, but at least they have them.

I'm hoping some of you are also collecting them so I can make my want list shrink even more. I HATE typing them up.

1, 2 , 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9 10, 12-33, 32, 33, 34,
36, 37, 38, 40, 41, 42, 43, 46-52, 54-58,
64, 65, 67, 68, 69, 70, 72, 74-79, 81, 83-87, 89, 91,
93, 94, 96, 100-103, 105-109, 11, 112, 115, 117, 118,
120, 121, 122, 124, 126, 127. 128, 130. 132-167, 169,
170, 171, 173-176, 178-187, 189, 190, 192, 193-196, 198,
200, 201, 203, 204, 206, 207, 208, 210-214 216-226, 228,
232-235, 237, 238-242, 244, 245, 246, 248, 251, 254- 259,
262, 263, 266, 267, 269, 270, 271, 273, 274, 275, 278-282, 284,
286, 289, 290, 291-297 299, 301, 303, 304, 305, 307, 308, 309

5, 14, 45, 73, 80, 99, 230, 243, 277

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Of ponies and cards...

I'm always excited when new cards come out. I had seen these at wall -mart last week and had heard about them via the blogsphere, but I had never bought a pack myself. Correction, I had not seen any to buy until last week. They where rather expensive, at least for me but I could not resist buying a pack.

I doubt I will be buying anymore. Too expensive and they didn't really catch my fancy. I like regular Topps. If anyone wants any of these, let me know. I will trade for any Brave.

Oh, and does anyone collect the stickers for 2012, cause I have extras and I need some myself.

Sadly, main reason for going to Target was not for cards but for...




The following has to do with Ponies. feel free to exit the blog now...


Yup, ponies. Despite Twilight looking nothing like Twilight, I'm trying to collect the fashion styles. Along with rainbow Dash I now have Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle. Sadly despite stop by Target, toys r us and two wal-marts these are the only three I can find.

I will seriously pay someone (it would have to paper money be via snail mail) if they could find a fashin style Rarity, Applejack and Pinkie Pie

Saturday, April 14, 2012

What I have been buying instead of baseball cards.. (and a contest with a non baseball prize).




...Yup, I'm a brony or pegasister.

I've seen four episodes so far and due to my wonderfully crappy internet, can't view anymore.

Oh, and a contest. A very easy one for bronies. Those that aren't bronies, likely wouldn't want to win anyhow.

If someone correctly identifies the bigger pony, they win two MLP:FIS happy meal toys. Sadly you can't choose, but they are 2 of the main 6.

and yea, I know..... the clothes and shoes are ><.

Oh, and this blog will go back to being about cards and baseball cards in my next post.

baseball post ---->Oh, and Chipper and the damn fluid on his knee. :__;-<--- baseball post